Again. My hand is recovering from the garage door that was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Truth is. I lost my dad. When he passed, those teachings of putting my hands in my pockets, I didn’t want to. I’m mad. I’m hurt. I’m so fucking hurt. He left and when he…
Eat a cheeseburger…
I’m hurt. It hurt. I didn’t think that I was walking into an office to talk about my appearance. We did. 2 years ago I looked “healthy” and I currently look “anorexic”. I’m 5’7” and have always fluctuated between 145-155lbs. I’m currently 140lbs. I’m happy. I did lose some weight but I eat. I like…
Tonight…
Truth will set you free... Or something like that. You told me the truth that I needed to hear. When I walked in and I saw a card game for couples, I knew the truth. When you said it was from your mom, I knew that you were lying but you decided to come out,…
Will you open your window?
"Just to hear you say f*** you!" Life is funny. It's filled with complex emotions that we are supposed to be in control of. Statements like "you cannot control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it." If for some reason you cannot, then you are the one that is…
A note you’ll never see
I tried. I went out. I had a good time. I didn't want it to end. When it ends is when your memory comes back. The routine. The fight. I posted smiles and luxury. But I'm crying in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Reality is, you left me haunted. I'm plagued by the memories of…
Here we are….
There's something that happened... self realization. Tantrums, outbursts, impulsive behavior. Understanding the last 29 years of life. Not only understanding but now trying to improve it. Taking someone from a pedestal of perfection and tearing them down to less than a peasant. Removing people because they didn't do what I wanted. And when told "no",…
What I want
I want to run. The rain is coming down and I want to run out into it with you. I want you to pull me close and kiss me. I want the fairytale. I want the soggy hand holding. The water dripping from your hair into my eyes. I want that moment where we stand…
Dark Night…
That darkness that burns in us all... What is it? Why is it a feeling that takes over, condems our brains. "Control your mind. For if your mind controls you, you're fucked". I believe that. Weeks of tears for fabricated thoughts and ideas. Fears of abandonment. If a man is going to leave you because…
I can’t get it…
I'm exhausted. I hide it and I pretend that I'm ok and I want to help and I want to be happy and I want to be that girl that he fell in love with over and over, day in and day out but I can't. My heart is breaking. My soul is missing right…
Beauty
Some say it's an exterior appearance that you notice. Other's say that it's the inner beauty that you can't see. A person's presence, and demeanor. I have my own idea... I've seen it up close and personal. It's the scar on your left hand. The furrowed brow when you make a smart comment or you're…
this.life 