My hand is still bruised from the door that mouthed off when I was angry.

My ego is bruised from losing my temper again. I don’t know how to keep it locked up. It’s overflowing with emotions and I’m so angry.

When we’re little, we think that our parents have it all figured out. We think they wrote all the books we read, we think they hung the moon and that they can do anything because we’re just too little.

We grow up. At least physically we do and everything changes. Everything is changing. Everything hurts so much because now we see reality. Our parents are humans just like us but older.

They don’t communicate with one another. They don’t ask for help. 30 years with someone is either going to make or break the relationship if you let it. What happens when you don’t acknowledge it? Your child suffers the most.

I’ve cried so much. I’ve asked myself, “why is this happening now?!” I’ve begged for them to talk to each other and I’ve asked for the truth to be met with, “you have no idea what they’ve done to me.”

I don’t know what that means because I have friends that have been through some pretty awful things and they’ve told me about those… So what’s more awful that that? Truth is, it wasn’t worse. They’re just full of pride and need to be right.

She wants an apology. He thinks she walked out on him. They are both hurting and I feel like I have both of their pain inside of me. They continue moving on with their health issues and asking us kids to help and then I will get a text of, “I need your help honey.” Drop my life and go help with things that a husband is capable of doing.

From a man who wanted a stay at home mom to a woman who told me never to depend on a man they created this. My father told me on Saturday that I was going to be “hardened” just like he was and that crushed me. I quit selling cars because I didn’t want to be “hard”. Turns out, I didn’t have choice.

My throat is throbbing because I want to just scream and cry and let it all out at random times of the day or of the week because I can’t get it out at the time that I’m fuming out of control…

I’m lost in my head with no light to lead me out at the moment. Every route has a dark arch… I just have to pick one to walk through and then work even harder to make it brighter.

Everything hurts and I know it’s far from over.

I hope the Gods help me because I don’t want to share this weight with any other human. It’s really really heavy and I can barely hold it…