I started writing on this site about 4 or 5 years ago and my reason for doing this was to get it all out there and let it go… So, here we go.

I have my private posts because they are something that I can see and I can go back to so I remember why I am the way that I am. I love the lessons that I have been taught and also love the people who I have encountered along the way. But there’s one thing… one person that I can honestly say that I don’t like at all…

When I first met her… I was surprised. I wasn’t impressed and that’s why I was surprised. From the impression I got from him, my thought was “she has to be fantastic to have him!”… nope, just a drunk fake blonde. How original…

When we went out for a night with a group of people, they way she acted… again, didn’t impress me. I was trying, constantly to find just one thing that was going to be jaw dropping wonderful about this woman… I still have yet to find it.

She drinks a lot… like a lot. She smokes a lot… like all the time and the way she handles herself around me is so obnoxious! It’s like being around a 12-year-old girl having a crush on this boy and trying to get his attention… you know the type, laughing loud enough so everyone in the entire town can hear and talking about themselves equally as loud about how “badass” or “impressive” they are. It’s not attractive… it’s annoying. BUT! Now hold on, we have all done it so I’m not picking on everyone including myself, I’m just saying that I’m not easily impressed. So try harder, or maybe just try it with someone who cares.

There was this amazing… no AMAZING text that was sent last week… just incredible calling me out… but the best part was, it wasn’t sent to me… hmm. Wouldn’t you think that if there was something you just “had to say”, you would send it directly to the person that needed to hear it… yeah! That’s my thought to! Nope. We’re wrong.

There’s just something to be said about that type of person. I want to put them in their own little helpless category but I can’t think of one word  to sum up needy, self-entitled, whiney, helpless, stupid, pathetic, jealous, bitchy, over-compensating swamp scum.

As I’m talking about all of this stuff I was wondering to myself why I can’t just burst out at him like this… Well because he’s well-spoken and kind… always. Like an annoying amount of kind to everyone. That’s just who he is. Which is what I love the most about him.

HOWEVER! I don’t believe glowing roots and fake nails deserve the time of day and I’m pretty blunt about not giving it, he’s always there to help! Which is awesome for that person… but makes my blood boil right over! If my veins could pop I’m sure they would have by now.

I just have so much anger towards that one human being and maybe it’s because I try to understand but dammit I liked it better when I didn’t do that shit, it is fucking annoying.

My thoughts to understanding are because he’s such a humanitarian, he must have seen that she needed help or something… like getting through life and stuff so he gave up his hopes and dreams to accomplish hers… yeah, I would like to believe that.

It’s really the only explanation for why the troll under the bridge ends up with king… then turns into a spoiled little princess bitch face who takes advantage of everything given to her… and it is… given to her I mean. They say “ask and you shall receive”. Did you know that a human is capable of asking for everything and receiving almost all of it. They aren’t gold diggers my friends, they are just asking and receiving… a lot.  Genius! If more men would understand that concept with successful woman, there would be a lot more male “gold- diggers” too I think. But that’s for another day.

Back to my point, giving and giving is great if you are also receiving… and maybe that’s the part of the story that I’m missing. Maybe there is a lot more to this than I’ve seen and heard… But do I even want to know? It sounds so cold to be the person saying “I don’t care”. I guess you cold say that it’s not that I don’t care, it’s that it’s safer for me not to know…

Tonight something else happened that I don’t understand. The need to call on family members to “help”. Wouldn’t you go to the person responsible first. What are they going to do? Call and scold him for not answering your call?! That’s the smartest thing a human could do! Ignore your crazy, unreasonable drunk ass.

“I really don’t want to have to get him involved”… now, is that because you don’t want to pay for him or???

Contempt The feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.

Hmm, isn’t that a fascinating definition. A woman can’t afford her lifestyle so she gets to ask for more. A man can’t afford his because the woman is taking it all and he’s in “contempt”… he’s the worthless one. He’s the on that’s beneath consideration and deserving scorn… because she can’t budget and figure it out on her own. Because she’s the needy princess that’s had everything handed to her and instead of being told to “figure it out” she’s told to go for more… why? Because she’s not at fault… princesses never get the blame for anything… they are royalty you see.

The world is fascinating and I’ve had the privilege of seeing it from multiple views. I’ve seen a strong woman stand up for her children and just ask for the bare necessities because she knew she can take care of herself and her children.  I’ve seen a man get attacked at all ends for every penny he worked for to provide a life for a woman who took advantage and then played the system while burning the bridges with her daughters… Now I get to witness a handicapped, ill-mannered, scorned princess attempt to take someone to the cleaners but she can’t even figure out how to start the car… It’s fascinating to watch all of this unfold and know that I’m safe. Safe in MY home, with MY car and MY animals working for MY life… Independence.

Now, I have chosen to share MY life with someone. This changes everything from MINE to OURS. That someone is deserving. He is incredible and I don’t know if I’ll get more joy out of making him a stay at home dad or watching her bitch because that’s the life she always wanted… oh the struggle.

The thought of OURS is different to think about. And I think a lot of it comes from my up bringing of “what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine” but I don’t have a problem sharing… except my retainers… that I will struggle with.

It’s a new chapter for the both of us and it’s entirely unchartered territory that neither of us have ever been in. Everyday is a learning experience but we have to stay goal oriented and never stop dreaming… the moment we stop dreaming, we stop living. I won’t do that.

Well that’s a fucking novel…