I sit here, day-to-day wondering what the f*** I am doing.

I thought this was what I wanted. I thought this was something that was going to change my life and something that was going to pay off in the long run. I’ll admit it, I was wrong.

I was so sick of having it so easy. I was working 40 hours a week and making $500-$550 a week with paid vacation, 401(k) and benefits… I gave that all up because I thought it was too easy, I wasn’t being pushed to my potential and I got greedy.

Then I thought that sales should be the route I would love. I was wrong. I may love people and I may enjoy working with customer service. But that’s just it, I love customer service and helping people, not lying to them and telling them that something works when in reality it’s not for them at all.

The things that people lie about everyday always has a way of surprising me. Weather they are lying about the way they feel, or lying about a product they are trying to sell… “oh those jeans look amazing on you!”…. ha!

Something my mother blessed me with at an early age was compassion. I care, I love and I’m honest with people. Dishonestly leaves knots in my stomach and I’m not able to function. I love who I am… I just wish I could find a career that was just as honest as I was vs. dishonest and cut throat dick bags turning me into the soulless ginger I don’t really want to be.

Today, the sales manager walked up to me while I was eating peanut butter (yeah I do that), and he asked me if I was trying to catch mice… I responded with “looks like all I’m attracting is rats”…

I have a back bone… I just shouldn’t have to use it 24/7

I’ll figure this out… Just takes time.