THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!!

“Oh you must be a trust fund kid”

REALLY?!
My father is a truck driver and my mother has been a stay at home mom for 21 years… I moved out 3 years ago…

Do I really fake it that good that everyone thinks that everything is fine in my “perfect” little world?!

Why?
That’s my next question. Why is it that we always pass judgements without actually LOOKING at the person. Just by glancing you can’t possibly tell me that you know everything about that person.

When?
When is my luck going to change? I’ve been going down hill since August.
Next time someone say “trust me” my instant reaction is going to be “FUCK OFF!”
My own family… He told me “hey kiddo, I’m going to turn your luck around, you’re going to be successful.”
All I’m saying is good thing I put the extra from my tax money in a savings account or I would be under the debt mark.
I’m so broke I can’t even afford a pack of cigarettes to smoke my pain away.
Pretty soon I’m going to have to quit CrossFit, I HAVE to find a 2nd job and I’m so far under where I was a couple of months ago it’s insane.

Everything I love and everything I’ve worked for is vanishing. My friends have their grandmas and their daddy’s helping them out all the time and they have never felt the way that I do right now.
To have $3.36 in your checking account and $5.00 in your savings is heartbreaking.
And knowing that you aren’t going to get anything until the end of the month. is absolutely ludicrous.
Then you open your wallet where you once had $10.00 only to find you have $2.00…
I didn’t have any food yesterday so I ordered a $5.00 sandwhich from Jimmy Johns and I bet that I’m going to have insufficient funds for that purchase.

I’ve been working and working and working and working just to get back on top and all I seem to do is fail.

I need something steady, I need something that’s going to last and i need something that’s going to make me feel like I’m worth it and that I AM appreciated.

But where. Where do I start. Back on the online classifieds, newspapers and Craigslist. It’s almost a full-time gig trying to find one.

I called my mom today and I told her what was going on. She’s depressed about the situation, she knows I was played and she knows that this is braking my heart and that hurts her.
Dad is on the road, I didn’t want to tell him because I know that it upsets him when us kids tell him bad news and he has to sit with it until he gets home but I needed to tell someone. He told me everything was going to be fine. And I asked “Daddy, when is it going to get better?” He just told me to be patient…

What have I been doing for the last few months? I’ve been patient… And I’ve been hurting.
The last time I got played I was unemployed for around 3 months… I couldn’t wait this time, there was no time for being upset, there was no time to think about what happened. I was just on to the next.

I’M TIERED OF CONSTANTLY RUNNING! CONSTANTLY BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO AND CONSTANTLY BEING PUT UP TO SUCH HIGH STANDARDS!!!

I really just want to be me!
But noooooo, everyone has to have a say in this life I’m supposed to call my own.

And that’s what happens when I don’t have someone to vent to. I vent to you.